I often say to people that being ill is easy.
I get all the attention from doctors, especially when they are interested in talking to me about my conditions, so they can learn about something they may not have seen before.
I get all the attention from the nurses, physio's and OT's.
I get all the attention from the people from Social Services.
I get all the attention from my carers.
But what I always think must be hard is to have to watch someone you love be ill. Whether you are a parent, husband or wife, grandparent or child, looking after another family member or a person you love, be ill and have to watch helplessly by, must be so very hard.
My mother lives with me, and she has always been there for me when I have needed her. There has never been any question of her not helping, and she selflessly looks after me, without complaint. I always wonder if somewhere, quietly, there is a piece of her crying to see her son in a wheelchair and need so much help. She'd never show it, and she'd certainly never say it.
Over the weekend, the tables were turned.
Sunday morning started just like any other day. Margaret, my carer, came and got me up about 8.00 am. After a shower, dressing and breakfast, I was looking forward to a fairly normal Sunday, with time on my computer in the morning and then watching England against India in the ICC Champions Trophy cricket final in the afternoon.
Mum planned to make some bread and biscuits, and then watch the cricket.
Oh the best laid plans.........................
About 10.00 am, and I know the time as I had just looked at the time on my computer, Mum called out to me from the kitchen. I went through and found her sat on a low stool in the kitchen, looking very unwell. I asked her if she was OK - dumb question - and she started to pass out.
I quickly tried to grab hold of her, to stop her falling onto the floor, as she toppled over to her right side. I managed to stop her falling but her head was resting on the work surface next to her, and if I let go I knew she'd be on the floor. I managed to keep hold of her with one hand and fish out my mobile phone with the other, and then phone '999'. Typical, I had no signal, not even enough to make an emergency call.
After about a minute, Mum started to come round, but was very confused and disorientated. I managed to get her sat up right and talked to her, to reassure that she was alright and where she was. After a couple of minutes she seemed more aware of where she was, and more able to sit up on her own.
I left her quickly to get the house phone and call an ambulance. The operator said that they were very busy and that an ambulance could take up to 40 minutes, but someone would be with me as quickly as possible. After speaking to the operator, they ask you to listen to a recorded message telling you do's and don't's, whilst you wait for the ambulance. By the time this had finished, a paramedic had pulled up outside.
I got to the door and let him in. Mum had moved herself to one of the armchairs in the living-room, but was still very confused, and she still felt very unwell.
I explained to the paramedic what had happened, and told him a little about Mum's medical history - for an 81 year old she is remarkably fit - and about the medication she is taking. He then proceeded to check her blood pressure, blood oxygen level, blood sugars and temperature. These were all good but her heart rate was a bit slow, but we weren't sure if this was normal for Mum. He then got her wired up to his mobile ECG machine and ran one of these. Again this was pretty much normal.
The paramedic said that he thought it best if Mum goes to hospital to be seen by a doctor. I knew Mum would absolutely hate the thought that I had phoned for an ambulance, but the idea that she needed to go to the hospital.......I was in big trouble now.
About an hour after the paramedic arrived, the ambulance pulled up outside. The first thing the crew said as they came in was, "Is that bread your cooking?" And one of the guys noticing the loaf had finished cooking went round and took it out of the machine, whilst his mate was told about Mum and what had happened with her.
In the meantime I managed to put a few things into a bag, including her medication, to take with her to the hospital.
Mum was still feeling very ill, and had tried to be sick at one point, but had nothing to bring up. She was given a glass of water and had a few sips.
The ambulance crew then ran a new set of observations, and a new ECG. They then checked Mum's blood pressure, once when sitting and then again standing. They then got her into a wheelchair, wrapped her in a blanket and took her out to the ambulance. I knew she must be really ill, as she hadn't once protested about being taken away.
As I watched them put her in the back of the ambulance, sat in the chair, wrapped up in the red blanket, I thought - for the first time - how small and frail she looked. I could have cried!
Just before 12.00 the ambulance pulled away.
The rest of the day is a bit of a blur of concern and worry. My good friend Paul came round and help clear up the kitchen from all the cooking bits. Margaret came and was upset to hear about Mum.
I spent most of the afternoon waiting for the phone to ring, hoping to hear what was happening with Mum. About 5.00 pm I finally couldn't wait any longer and phoned up A&E. I was told she had been moved to an Observation Ward and given the number to call.
The nurse on the ward sounded very nice and advised that Mum was OK but they were just keeping an eye on her. They needed to do a further blood test at 7.00 pm, which would take 2 hours before they had the results, and then they would decide whether to admit her, or send her home.
I rang Mum on her mobile, and much to my relief, she sounded much brighter and alert. She said she was feeling a lot better, but typical Mum, she just wanted to know if I was alright. I told her not to worry about me, that I had ordered takeaway for dinner and that Margaret would come late to put me to bed.
Then there was more waiting until about 9.30 pm, when I phoned Mum, who was waiting to see the doctor to find out if she could come home. She had been given dinner, which was some sort of chicken curry, which Mum hates. She had only eaten a bit and had been sick, but that was more to do with the fact that it was curry, rather than the fact she was ill. However she did say she felt better for having eaten something.
Paul had said he would pick her up and bring her home, regardless of the time, but I suggested to Mum that it might be best given the time if she just stayed there for the night.
Still not having heard anything, I rang the ward about 10.15 pm, and spoke to a very abrupt nurse. She seemed surprised that I wanted to know what was happening, but she went and asked the doctor, who agreed Mum could come home. I asked for directions to the ward and then told the nurse that I would get someone to pick up Mum as soon as possible.
I rang Paul, and he left to pick her up.
Margaret came about 10.40 pm to put me to bed, and just as she was finishing, Mum, with Paul and his wife Sharon, came in.
Oh the best laid plans.........................
About 10.00 am, and I know the time as I had just looked at the time on my computer, Mum called out to me from the kitchen. I went through and found her sat on a low stool in the kitchen, looking very unwell. I asked her if she was OK - dumb question - and she started to pass out.
I quickly tried to grab hold of her, to stop her falling onto the floor, as she toppled over to her right side. I managed to stop her falling but her head was resting on the work surface next to her, and if I let go I knew she'd be on the floor. I managed to keep hold of her with one hand and fish out my mobile phone with the other, and then phone '999'. Typical, I had no signal, not even enough to make an emergency call.
After about a minute, Mum started to come round, but was very confused and disorientated. I managed to get her sat up right and talked to her, to reassure that she was alright and where she was. After a couple of minutes she seemed more aware of where she was, and more able to sit up on her own.
I left her quickly to get the house phone and call an ambulance. The operator said that they were very busy and that an ambulance could take up to 40 minutes, but someone would be with me as quickly as possible. After speaking to the operator, they ask you to listen to a recorded message telling you do's and don't's, whilst you wait for the ambulance. By the time this had finished, a paramedic had pulled up outside.
I got to the door and let him in. Mum had moved herself to one of the armchairs in the living-room, but was still very confused, and she still felt very unwell.
I explained to the paramedic what had happened, and told him a little about Mum's medical history - for an 81 year old she is remarkably fit - and about the medication she is taking. He then proceeded to check her blood pressure, blood oxygen level, blood sugars and temperature. These were all good but her heart rate was a bit slow, but we weren't sure if this was normal for Mum. He then got her wired up to his mobile ECG machine and ran one of these. Again this was pretty much normal.
The paramedic said that he thought it best if Mum goes to hospital to be seen by a doctor. I knew Mum would absolutely hate the thought that I had phoned for an ambulance, but the idea that she needed to go to the hospital.......I was in big trouble now.
About an hour after the paramedic arrived, the ambulance pulled up outside. The first thing the crew said as they came in was, "Is that bread your cooking?" And one of the guys noticing the loaf had finished cooking went round and took it out of the machine, whilst his mate was told about Mum and what had happened with her.
In the meantime I managed to put a few things into a bag, including her medication, to take with her to the hospital.
Mum was still feeling very ill, and had tried to be sick at one point, but had nothing to bring up. She was given a glass of water and had a few sips.
The ambulance crew then ran a new set of observations, and a new ECG. They then checked Mum's blood pressure, once when sitting and then again standing. They then got her into a wheelchair, wrapped her in a blanket and took her out to the ambulance. I knew she must be really ill, as she hadn't once protested about being taken away.
As I watched them put her in the back of the ambulance, sat in the chair, wrapped up in the red blanket, I thought - for the first time - how small and frail she looked. I could have cried!
Just before 12.00 the ambulance pulled away.
The rest of the day is a bit of a blur of concern and worry. My good friend Paul came round and help clear up the kitchen from all the cooking bits. Margaret came and was upset to hear about Mum.
I spent most of the afternoon waiting for the phone to ring, hoping to hear what was happening with Mum. About 5.00 pm I finally couldn't wait any longer and phoned up A&E. I was told she had been moved to an Observation Ward and given the number to call.
The nurse on the ward sounded very nice and advised that Mum was OK but they were just keeping an eye on her. They needed to do a further blood test at 7.00 pm, which would take 2 hours before they had the results, and then they would decide whether to admit her, or send her home.
I rang Mum on her mobile, and much to my relief, she sounded much brighter and alert. She said she was feeling a lot better, but typical Mum, she just wanted to know if I was alright. I told her not to worry about me, that I had ordered takeaway for dinner and that Margaret would come late to put me to bed.
Then there was more waiting until about 9.30 pm, when I phoned Mum, who was waiting to see the doctor to find out if she could come home. She had been given dinner, which was some sort of chicken curry, which Mum hates. She had only eaten a bit and had been sick, but that was more to do with the fact that it was curry, rather than the fact she was ill. However she did say she felt better for having eaten something.
Paul had said he would pick her up and bring her home, regardless of the time, but I suggested to Mum that it might be best given the time if she just stayed there for the night.
Still not having heard anything, I rang the ward about 10.15 pm, and spoke to a very abrupt nurse. She seemed surprised that I wanted to know what was happening, but she went and asked the doctor, who agreed Mum could come home. I asked for directions to the ward and then told the nurse that I would get someone to pick up Mum as soon as possible.
I rang Paul, and he left to pick her up.
Margaret came about 10.40 pm to put me to bed, and just as she was finishing, Mum, with Paul and his wife Sharon, came in.
It was a huge relief to see her, and to see her looking much more like her normal self. (I could have cried - again!) She had a piece of bread and a cup of tea, whilst she chatted to me, before she went to bed.
I was pleased and relieved to have her home. There was no real conclusion as to why she had fainted and what had caused it. Mum saw her GP first thing Monday morning, and he advised her to rest as much as possible, and to make sure she drinks enough fluids. Although she has been tired, she is feeling better each day.
Mum has always been incredibly active. At 81, she is always on the go, and never seems to sit down for long. Even now she finds it difficult to sit still, if she thinks something needs doing. How do you stop someone like that from doing things?
It was only one day but I can honestly say, I'd much rather be ill than have to go through watching Mum be ill like that again. It was truly, a horrible day and not one I want to repeat anytime soon.
A very big thank you to the paramedic and ambulance crew, who were really excellent, to the doctors and nurses at the hospital, who looked after Mum so well, to Margaret, who changed her schedule to help me during the day, and especially to Paul for being such a great friend to Mum and me.
And a footnote to this day, it always surprises me and upsets me - and bloody annoys me - how some people in my family react to what happened.
After Mum had been taken off in the ambulance, I rang Paul and he could not have been more willing to help.
I then rang my eldest sister, Sue, who was really concerned, and offered to come down to help - she lives in Hull. We agreed that she should do nothing until we knew more about Mum's condition.
I rang my next sister, Jane, who was out, so I left a message on her answering machine asking her to call me urgently about Mum. I then rang her mobile, but this was turned off - she is one of those people who doesn't like mobiles, but has one which she never turns on.
My brother, Simon, lives in Australia, and by the time Mum had gone it would be late there, and I didn't have much to tell him, so rather than wake him, I decided to wait until I knew more about Mum, and call him in the morning. When I eventually caught up with him via email on Monday, he wanted to know how she was and said that he will phone as soon as he in back home.
Sue rang in the afternoon to see how I was and to say than she would come down next weekend in any event, but could come down immediately if needs be.
About 6.30 pm, I rang Jane and again got the answer machine. I tried her mobile, which was again switched off. I then rang Sue to tell her about my conversation with the ward and Mum earlier, and that she sounded much better.
Finally when I got off the phone, Jane rang me back. She didn't say anything about my message but said she had been out and when she had got back in, she had gone for a nap, before getting something to eat. When I told her Mum was in hospital, her response was, "I thought it must be something like that." I was speechless. She'd obviously got my message but having a nap was more important to her than phoning about Mum. She never offered to come and help.
The next day when Jane spoke to Mum it was almost as if because Mum was home there can't be anything wrong. She never offered to help and doubt she even asked if Mum needed any.
Sadly this is typical of her. She doesn't seem to remember all the times Mum was there for her, all the help Mum gave her after she had been involved in a car accident and was recovering for her whiplash injuries. She just thinks of herself.
I know we can't choose our families, but would anyone like to have my sister, Jane?
I was pleased and relieved to have her home. There was no real conclusion as to why she had fainted and what had caused it. Mum saw her GP first thing Monday morning, and he advised her to rest as much as possible, and to make sure she drinks enough fluids. Although she has been tired, she is feeling better each day.
Mum has always been incredibly active. At 81, she is always on the go, and never seems to sit down for long. Even now she finds it difficult to sit still, if she thinks something needs doing. How do you stop someone like that from doing things?
It was only one day but I can honestly say, I'd much rather be ill than have to go through watching Mum be ill like that again. It was truly, a horrible day and not one I want to repeat anytime soon.
A very big thank you to the paramedic and ambulance crew, who were really excellent, to the doctors and nurses at the hospital, who looked after Mum so well, to Margaret, who changed her schedule to help me during the day, and especially to Paul for being such a great friend to Mum and me.
And a footnote to this day, it always surprises me and upsets me - and bloody annoys me - how some people in my family react to what happened.
After Mum had been taken off in the ambulance, I rang Paul and he could not have been more willing to help.
I then rang my eldest sister, Sue, who was really concerned, and offered to come down to help - she lives in Hull. We agreed that she should do nothing until we knew more about Mum's condition.
I rang my next sister, Jane, who was out, so I left a message on her answering machine asking her to call me urgently about Mum. I then rang her mobile, but this was turned off - she is one of those people who doesn't like mobiles, but has one which she never turns on.
My brother, Simon, lives in Australia, and by the time Mum had gone it would be late there, and I didn't have much to tell him, so rather than wake him, I decided to wait until I knew more about Mum, and call him in the morning. When I eventually caught up with him via email on Monday, he wanted to know how she was and said that he will phone as soon as he in back home.
Sue rang in the afternoon to see how I was and to say than she would come down next weekend in any event, but could come down immediately if needs be.
About 6.30 pm, I rang Jane and again got the answer machine. I tried her mobile, which was again switched off. I then rang Sue to tell her about my conversation with the ward and Mum earlier, and that she sounded much better.
Finally when I got off the phone, Jane rang me back. She didn't say anything about my message but said she had been out and when she had got back in, she had gone for a nap, before getting something to eat. When I told her Mum was in hospital, her response was, "I thought it must be something like that." I was speechless. She'd obviously got my message but having a nap was more important to her than phoning about Mum. She never offered to come and help.
The next day when Jane spoke to Mum it was almost as if because Mum was home there can't be anything wrong. She never offered to help and doubt she even asked if Mum needed any.
Sadly this is typical of her. She doesn't seem to remember all the times Mum was there for her, all the help Mum gave her after she had been involved in a car accident and was recovering for her whiplash injuries. She just thinks of herself.
I know we can't choose our families, but would anyone like to have my sister, Jane?
No thanks for the offer, I have two brothers the same and a sister .
ReplyDeleteI had to ASK them to help take Mam shopping about a year before she died as I was too ill to do all that I had always done for her.
Sister offered to get stuff from a list , youngest brother agreed to take her.
They ALL three regretted not doing more for her, but of course that was after she died.
Youngest brother actually thanked me for asking him to help, he said he loved those shopping times with Mam.
Me, I have no regrets.
Hope your Mum is ok now, its scary for the one watching I agree.
xx